so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
