16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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