My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
