tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
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If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
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I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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