laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
