Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
