It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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