just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
