my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
