Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
