So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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