Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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