Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
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My ATM looks so different sober.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
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Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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