I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
