He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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