singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
