I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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