I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
