it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
