Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think i peed on brittanys purse
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Your penis caused this!
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