I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
