I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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