Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
