How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
did i walk over a car last night?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
