you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
