I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
