I skipped work to stalk him.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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