Kiss
Puke
I'm really into asian looking animals
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
