He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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