They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
