I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
