My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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