i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
