just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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