peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
