when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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