I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
