Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
