if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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