Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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