508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
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he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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