this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
