I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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