I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
