I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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