I think im going to throw up on grandma
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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