Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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