Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
