Need sex. Gaining weight.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
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It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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