I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
