I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
