i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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