The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
