My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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