Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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