and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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