He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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