He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
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It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
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I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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