Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I don't deserve a penis
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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