I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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