if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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