if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
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