I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
this boner is exhausting
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Every concussion has its silver lining
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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