I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
