I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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