Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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