After last night, I could never be a politician.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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