Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
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Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
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i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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