Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
